Excerpt from the diary of a LONER.

2:00 AM
Sleep deprived? Yet again.

No its not insomnia or nocturnality.

Maybe its just the tempest of all those unwanted and unexplainable thoughts, which runs across my mind day in and day out.

Despite having a life that many aspire of, I feel a void!
A void, which no worldly possession can fill.

As I grew up, one thing that I've relinquished along with my childhood, is that innocent heart, that heart which was familiar with love, affection and inner peace.

In place of that heart, now just resides a deep wrenched void, filled with murk and gloominess.

I fool around all the time, yet I'm never happy.
I joke around all the time, yet I'm never smiling.

Everything seems to vex me, provokes me as if I'm a misfit!
A black shade in a world of rainbows.

I remember trying so hard to get all these thoughts off my mind and living a normal life, trying to paint my dismal grey world, trying to break free from all these strange thoughts, trying to be genuinely happy.
But I failed!
Every time.

And after a belligerent struggle, I eventually gave up.
I accepted being a misfit and welcomed myself into these black yet colorful 'hours of darkness'.

When the world sleeps, I wake up all alone.
In this strange silence.
Not talking to anyone, just sitting there in my balcony with my eyes wide open.

Its strange, its hurtful but I guess
Pain is what gives me pleasure!