Was it even LOVE?

Whenever I needed someone, you were
there right? then why did I feel all alone?

Whenever I opened up about my fears
and insecurities, you always said you
understood right?...then why did it feel you didn't?

I could see you walking besides me in
all good and bad..then why couldn't I
feel your presence around me?
We always had each other's backs..and
still always I found myself Alone!

Where were you? When Every single
night, I was surrounded by the feeling
of gloom and unwanted ness, when my thoughts would torture me and insecurities would eat me up.
Unfortunately, these questions remaine unanswered till date.

My heart literally broke into pieces,
every time my 'l'm fine' seemed
convincing enough..that you believed it.

I accept, I was never vocal about my
issues, not because l didn't want to
share but because, just for once, I
wanted you to look into my eyes and
sense my misery.

Why did it happen, that suddenly your
'I love you' and 'take care' stopped
affecting me?

Why did it happen that your 'good bye' and your reoccurring anger
topped killing me and breaking my
heart?

Every night, just one question kept me
awake.

"Have I become heartless?"
"Havel become numb?..lost all my
feelings?"

You always said you loved me..but your
actions narrated a different story.

And now that its all over,

Can I ask you a question?
A question that has been stuck in my
mind every since you lied about that guy , ever since replies started getting
slower, ever since your best friend
became "the guy you could trust the
most"..every since I realized that the
fact, that you were my priority, stopped
mattering because all I I could become
was, just another option to you.
A question that said..

Did you even love me?